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In Like a Lion

In the pas, t the month of March has been problematic. Great things have happened in March. Three of my four children were born in March. March 10th to be exact. Yes, I am THAT exacting apparently. My own birthday is in March. I am not tell you when though. A girl has to have some mystery, doesn't she?

However, March has been a sad month. One of my children passed away early in life. My twins, Jason and Matthew were born on my eldest's (Taylor's) second birthday. I wanted to give birth naturally and my doctor and medical team thought I could too. They had me give birth in a surgical suite to be safe. It was a good thing we were there because after Jason was born things went south. Matthew was inverse and he just wouldn't get born. They had to use forceps and a vacuum. It took an hour for him to be born. In that short time, my baby didn't get enough oxygen. The doctor's said he would never smile and that he was in a vegetative state. We had to let him go. Two twenty five year olds who were barely capable of being parents were now having to choose to take their child off life support. His father and I chose to take him off life support, all systems, when Matthew was a day old. That was tough. My youngest son, thankfully, was born in June.

Twenty six years later, my Mama joined my baby boy on March 10. Mama had been diagnosed with multiple cancers in February. The doctors told us she had 6 months left. Unfortunately for us, Mama left within 3 weeks of her diagnosis. Fortunately for her as she was in too much pain. Mama, I miss you.

That same year, the same month that my Mama left us because of cancer, the love of my life-my amazing husband, began his own cancer treatment. Wow, thinking back on it, there was so much to deal with. I just didn't know it at the time. I was on autopilot.

The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I had a beautiful healthy and strong baby grandchild. Life and death. The Wheel keeps turning. THIS March marks the difference. The narrative will change. I will make it change. I have to. I can't handle one twelfth of my life being affected like this.

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